Wow. It’s July 2013. And the month’s almost over too!
I can’t believe that more than half a year has passed since my last post. I guess I’ve been too occupied keeping myself occupied. Days have been pretty much the same – job, part-time jobs, dinner, powerpoints, sleep…Occasionally there’s dinner with new friends and of course, what’s a weekend without a depression kick?
But some things changed too.
Last June the other girl went on vacation to our home country. Dear hubby was all ‘excited’ to ‘spend time with me’ and went over and over saying, “Don’t mind her. Just a few more days and she will be gone” whenever I blabber about how she’s this and that. So there I was again, believing Pinocchio who, by the way, was in a really angelic mode coming from Umrah.
To cut the story short, we spent two empty, meaningless weeks together until he finally admitted he wanted to join his beloved and meet her family. I was…well…expecting that. I mean, watching every “Got Talent” show on Youtube every night wasn’t really my idea of quality time. Those two weeks have been painfully awkward we did not even bother to have a proper meal. Well at least he asked if I would allow him to go. Why not? It’s not like we’re having a ball anyway. What just got me pissed was that he asked if I could shoulder his ticket for his flight back. Say what?! I don’t think so.
So the lovebirds had a fight about how costly it was going to be and she wasn’t willing to pick the tab on the round trip ticket. I’m not really sure what was going on in her head but wasn’t it romantic that he considered leaving me on our only alone time after a year and a half to meet her family? So anyway they dropped the plan and I had to endure another two dragging weeks, with him sneaking out almost everyday so they can have a Skype chat. Most days after work I just voluntarily hang out at my co-teacher’s house so he wouldn’t have to lie about ‘needing to do something somewhere.’
The day before the girl came back was my flight to my home country. I forced – yes, forced – him to drive me to the airport and we had a short talk while I waited for the boarding gates to open. We agreed that he will spend full time with her and we will no longer see each other when I come back. He doesn’t have to call me but I requested that he call the kids once in a while. I thanked him for the years we have been together, he asked forgiveness for all the hurt he has caused. I don’t really know what the conversation meant to him but to me it felt like a farewell…our last goodbye. It was almost a peaceful adieu if he hadn’t threatened to put me behind bars if he finds me with another man.
Now I am home with my kids. Happy, definitely…except when my eldest asks about where his daddy is. Oh, how that question sends me to tears each time! My eldest has grown so quickly in the year and a half I have been away and I can’t believe how sensitive he has become. Everyday he would ask if I love him and why I look more like his brother but not so much like him. He’s been so sweet giving me hugs and kisses everyday and (God help me) I am not sure how I can bear leaving them again next month. And then of course, there’s my mom, whose questions I keep on avoiding…guess I’m not ready to admit it to her yet. I worry that she will worry and worrying at 76 isn’t healthy.
At this point I feel like I’m in a train station waiting for my train to come. I don’t know where to, but I’m glad I’m moving on to somewhere. When I do go back to work, Inshallah, things will start getting better…just as He promised 🙂
hearthquakes 