Updates

WHERE I AM – Alone. I have moved out, finally, Eid al Adha. My husband helped me move my things to a new bedspace. Yep, just bedspacing. I did not want to get a room just to be left alone all the time. It’s a waste of space (and funds).ย 

My typical working day starts at around 5:45 am. That’s when I snooze my alarm. School ends 130 and I reach home about 2pm-ish, have lunch, take a nap, then go to tuition at around 4pm, then another one at 7pm. I’m juggling 3 jobs now that my dear hubby is out of work. I reach home 10pm, eat fruits for dinner, then work on my lesson for the following day. I work too much, but it helps keep my mind off you-know-what so I welcome the exhaustion.

Since moving I have learned to use the washing machine (that’s a milestone, mind you). I cook for 1, shop for 1, everything for 1. I have re-learned how to enjoy eating out alone, something that quite surprised me when just recently I realized it.

During weekends, it’s normally still work. Sometimes I get to go out with a friend, and her friends around the city. We go to the beach, do some barbeque-ing and go home brunch time the following morning. And then I sleep the whole day, hate myself for doing so, and cram for school work the following day.ย 

I lack sleep, too tired to cook a meal, barely have enough time to socialize or clean up my space…but am HAPPY. ๐Ÿ™‚

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WHERE HE IS – with her. They had their second big fight Eid Al Adha. That’s why he was able to help me move. He wanted us to get a room, because he said he will not go back to her anymore, but thankfully, we were not able to find a decent one. It puzzled me at first, with the thousands of available rooms here how could we not like one? Three days later, they were back together. That explains it, I thought. God is so wise, ain’t He?

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When he decided to get back with her I told him not to come and see me anymore. Just tired of it all. But we talk everyday, say “I miss you” and “I love you” just the same. We just don’t see each other, and I think it suits both of us well. One day, one of us will get tired (if not both of us) and realize we have already grown apart. Until then, I accept this situation, as it seems this is where God wants me to be for now. When the time is right He will take me out and lead me to where I should be. What’s important now is that I’m healing – slowly but surely.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Selma
    Dec 15, 2012 @ 17:23:36

    May Allah help you heal completely, sis, and may He replace you with better! Ameen! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

  2. ashrubhaleeb
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 21:05:19

    i am so happy to hear that you are starting to find your way and yourself really. i hope everything continues in good directions for you :-).

    Reply

    • hearthquakes
      Dec 22, 2012 @ 23:52:29

      Nice to hear from you again sis ๐Ÿ™‚ Everyday is still a struggle but I’ll get there eventually, Inshallah. I hope all is well with you and your kids. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply

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