I have nothing

Finally, a chance to write! How long has it been?

Things have gotten really crazy since I shifted work last September. I have not had the chance to cook a decent meal for myself, not had the chance to get enough sleep, not had the chance to even open my mail! But things are getting so much better…

I would like to begin with an important thing that I missed to write. My in-laws. I think I already mentioned before that my husband’s brother stayed with us in our flat. Last Eid, their younger sister came. This sister used to stay with us before as well. My husband stopped communicating with her when she opted to leave a good job here to go back to our country and run after a husband who beat her and left her half dead while she struggled to keep their second baby alive in her tummy. She lost the baby. I guess we shared stupidity in common that’s why we got along very well.

Anyways, she was back. And she needed a job. My husband forbid me from helping her in any way. He said we ought to teach her a lesson make her regret her decision to leave her job for her good-for-nothing husband. I knew my husband loved her deeply and was just playing tough. I know his heart would soften when he talks to her. So he tried hard not to.

When I finally had the chance to see her, she asked me if what she heard were true – about the other woman, that is. She said she never believed what she heard from the other sisters because she knew how much her brother loved me. I swore she almost flipped when I confirmed it.

I told her everything. – how it began, how I learned about the news, how I struggled to keep myself sane, and how I was still hurting. She could not believe her ears. She was totally stunned at how much her brother changed. She said she would like to meet the girl and show her who’s boss. She told me to be strong and to fight for my right. After a long time of being alone, I finally found an ally in the family.

After about a month of job hunting, she confided that she was pregnant again. Everyone knows she can’t find a job in that situation. She had plans already, stupid ones, I have to say. I gave her advice, though I knew she would stick to what she wanted. She was stubborn and selfish – runs in the family. She was desperate, as she did not want to go back to our country with nothing. She said she would rather risk being illegal here than go home. She was determined but anxious, and I knew she would grab anything, or anyone who would be able to give her a visa.

I tried helping her by asking out for jobs. No luck. As I was always busy I hardly noticed that almost a week had passed that I have not heard from her. I gave her a ring but she did not answer. It was after another week when I learned from my husband that the sister I trusted was already rubbing elbows with the other girl. My heart broke. The other girl paid for her air fare and overstaying fees (which was not small amount of money, mind you) and promised to give her a job after she gives birth. Can’t top that.

A week after she went home, my husband’s brother called. Although it was not his thing to do, he apologized to me for what his siblings had done. He said he will always be loyal to me, for the good things I have done for him, and will not leave me the way his siblings did.

A few more weeks and I learned that he moved in with my hubby and the other girl. The girl owned the flat and said my brother-in-law could stay there for free. In this country where room rates are sky high, who would pass up on free board and lodging? My heart broke for the nth time.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. myninjanaan
    Dec 13, 2012 @ 22:18:09

    Salaam sister, I hope you and your children are well.
    As for this in-law situation, the only advise I can give is that you need to only trust and depend on yourself. Anyone from his side of the family is just that, HIS family. InshAllah once your children are older and independent, they will be your rock and stick by you. But as for now, as lonely as it might be, you need to be your own support. May Allah make it easy for you my dear sister, inshAllah everything will be fine 🙂


    • hearthquakes
      Dec 14, 2012 @ 16:32:33

      Alhamdullilah sister, we are okay. You are right. I realized there’s nobody else I can rely on but myself and my own family. His family is …. his, not mine, and they couldn’t care less about how I feel. Inshallah sister, things will go as Allah wishes. I just keep on praying for strength and for him to guide me through all this.


  2. imaanii
    Dec 14, 2012 @ 01:12:28

    SubhaanAllah 😦 I’m so so sorry dear sister 😦


    • hearthquakes
      Dec 14, 2012 @ 16:37:40

      Thank you sister. I have come past this in-law thing, don’t worry. Before my brother-in-law moved in with “them,” he called and told me he was looking for a new place but has not found one yet. Right there and then I knew he was going to move to “their” nest but I did not say anything. I knew it was coming. I was hurt because it felt like all the people I expected to be on my side left me for “her” all because I had nothing to make their lives better.


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