Almost, but not quite

                I need a pair of running shoes. I have been trying to get rid of the post baby weight for six months now but it seems it wants to stay for a while unless I go on a strict diet and exercise.

 Two weekends ago I called my husband and asked if he could accompany me to the mall to get a decent pair of running shoes. He also wants me to lose the belly fat ‘cause I look like a tadpole with it. He did not want to go with me, as usual, because he’s trying to avoid being seen with ‘someone else’ other than her. Her siblings are here and she likewise has a number of cousins working everywhere. They do not know that the great guy she married is already married. So I end up seeming like a mistress – I am the one he is hiding while he parades her around. I felt rejected again, and told him, okay, maybe next time, although I knew that making him come with me is a far reality.

The following day he told me he will be going to the mall with her because she wants to buy a new bag. I just stared. It’s not like he wouldn’t go if I told him not to. He wasn’t asking permission, he was just letting me know they were going somewhere and that she’ll be using up the time he should be spending with me. Fairness.

Last weekend was fun, though. We spent our time together folding clothes. That was a task we both hated so when we were still starting out, we agreed to do it together. It has been a long while since he helped me do it, so doing that again brought back warm memories and it somehow made me feel as if things were normal.

And then came Tuesday, her day off. I was so busy at work that I was not even able to talk to my husband beyond hello and goodbye. After lunch when things got less hectic, I tried to phone him knowing that it was his break time. I totally forgot what day it was. I kept on calling him but he did not pick up. After about 5 calls, I remembered. I called him around 20 times more, just to bug him, but I ended up losing patience. He called when he was already on his way back to work and I shouted at him and asked him where he went. He said, “you know where I went.” I hated him so much for it. I just hate it when he does for her the things that he does for me. I was so mad that when I went home, I packed all his clothes and chucked them in a corner.  

He did not come home on time. I thought it was because he was also mad. It turned out that they went out to buy her a new mobile. When he arrived and saw his stuff all packed, he asked me what happened. I told him he ought to just go and stay with her. I said that things are already too painful and I cannot stand it anymore. He hugged me tight and told me he can’t live without me. He said he loves me so much and he will not let me go. He asked me to stay and just let things take their course. I begged him to just go but he said he will never leave me. He said he loves her but not as much as he loves me. I don’t understand how he can say that while spends most of his time with her. He said if she is not for me, Allah will make a way to distance her from me. I think he is right.

I trust in God. I will be very happy if he comes back to me but if he doesn’t, I am ready to let him go. If this is as far as our relationship goes, I would take it to mean that Allah has a better plan for me. Now I just have to deal with the waiting time. I know that God will eventually reveal his plan but that does not take the pain away, does it? So now I just pray that Allah makes things easier on me while I wait for His plans to unfold.

I know I should not rush but Inshallah, that will be soon…..

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