Who Is She?

She’s a single mom of a 7-year old girl and a 3-year old boy, from different relationships. A physical therapist by profession, she came to the Middle East about 8 years ago and landed a job in a spa located in one of the posh areas in the locale. Having spent quite some time in the business, she has come up the corporate ladder and is now serving as the spa manager.

I do not exactly know why she came to the majlis. I have no idea if she really meant to embrace Islam prior to coming or if listening to the discussion had her convinced. All I knew was that my husband told her to share the ride with him upon learning that they live in the same building. After that she asked my husband if he could teach her about Islam…and the rest was history.

Up to this moment I loathe the thought of my husband entertaining that invitation to teach her. He clearly knew he was not supposed to accept that invitation, as she has to be taught by a woman, not a man, not to mention, a very much married one. The fact that he allowed himself to be lured by this woman (who confessed to “falling in love” with him the first time she saw him) just goes to show he was actually looking around all this time. What sounded to be a promise to never to marry again which he repeatedly said in the hearing of all my friends, was in reality just a statement to convince himself.

She goes to work early afternoon and comes home 10:30-ish in the evening. When she reaches home and my husband is not yet there, she would call and say “Where are you? I’m home,” and in an instant he is right at her doorstep. She cooks afterwards and they eat together, with her literally spoonfeeding him. If she wants to go somewhere to buy something, he readily offers to accompany her. They hang out in front of her flat while she smokes, play games with her kids and do chores together.

On her day off, my husband goes to her during his break time so that they can have lunch together. On his day off, he comes home to me at around 11 in the morning to change clothes, goes for jumaa, goes back to have lunch with her and bids her goodbye as she goes off to work. After that he goes straight to the Islamic center. He would not bother to take a few steps up the stairs to pick me up so that we could go to the center together. As if it would take so much effort to walk two minutes up from her flat to ours compared to him walking back to her for fifteen minutes from the masjid when it would only take five minutes if he just went straight to the Islamic center.

About a month ago my husband caught her replying to her ex-boyfriend who is in another country in the region. The guy has not stopped sending her messages even after they broke up. He sent her a message saying that there has been some sort of commotion in his work area and ended the text with “I love you,” which seemingly sounded like they never actually broke up. She replied with a tone of concern and said “I love you” back. It was a huge fight after my husband found out but the miracle of all miracles is that he still forgave her and took her back. That is far from how I thought he would react. If I did the same thing, he would have walked away without batting an eyelash. Despite what happened, my husband still calls her 10 times everyday to make sure she’s okay, about a third of which is done while we’re together.

She has everything she needs and has everything she has hoped for. God has blessed her with a great job with a fat paycheck every month, a comfortable home where she lives happily with her kids and now a thoughtful and loving husband by her side. In addition to her monthly income she has taken two other flats has rented them out and I recently found out that she and my husband are planning to start a business in our area. She has bought gadgets, nice clothes and accessories for my husband while I stress myself out trying to make ends meet. She must have done something good to deserve all these.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Single Muslim Mums
    May 05, 2012 @ 00:27:31

    Sister, I know it may be hard to see right now, but Allah has spared you from a far worse fate. This man could have dragged you into hell for all you know. You know he was weak in his eeman, imagine if he passed that on to your children. Whatever this woman has done wrong she will be punished for as we all will be. Rather than question what she did ‘right’ to deserve this, focus on how much Allah swt loves you to protect you. I went through a very similar experience to you and I tell you honestly sister, my eeman was low and I think so is yours or you wouldnt think this way as understandable as it is. I feel your pain sister and it brings back unpleasant memories but this time WILL pass just as everything does. What you need to do now is make a choice, either demand your right or leave him and whichever choice you make don’t look back. Make istikharah and keep yourself busy and focussed on Islam. If you have a good support network use it now to boost you and remind you to have sabr, join my group if you want where there are loads of sisters that would love to support you and can relate to you. Look to those worse off as we are reminded to do and be grateful your life is not as bad. I know for now, nothing will remove the pain and hurt that you feel but don’t let it make you into a victim, let it make you into a fighter. It will hurt and it will take a while, but wallahi Allah swt can remove even this from you if you have faith in Him, the Lord of all the worlds that created mankind from a drop. Please have faith and sabr and turn to your friends and sisters. My love to you sister and insha’Allah I will make dua for you too ukhti. Sending out hugs. xx


    • hearthquakes
      May 05, 2012 @ 01:55:29

      Thank you for your message sister. 🙂

      My husband, in his own terms, is a religious man. I have not seen him miss out on a prayer unless he was in a difficult situation. He gets stressed out when he is not able to pray on time, reads the Qurán everyday, has memorized a lot of surahs and studies about the faith. Even when I have not yet converted, I have admired him for his dedication to Islam. Even his new ‘wife’ said that without him, she would have turned her back on the faith already. He is able to inspire her to deepen her faith. Ironically.

      I did try to sever ties with him already sister, as things are becoming even more painful everyday. I will try to write a post about this soon. It has been almost three months now but it seems like three years already. I am tired, sister. Things have not become easier on me just yet but Inshallah they will soon.

      The istikharah has recently been my favorite. I find strength in praying it every night, especially when I’m in pain and I think about leaving. I would love to be a fighter like you but the pain is overpowering. Do make dua for me to be stronger sister.

      Thank you for your words…and the hugs. 🙂


  2. ashrubhaleeb
    May 05, 2012 @ 21:13:11

    I think you can be a fighter. Most people dont know they can handle so much until they have to. I agree with the sister above that you need to make your choice and dont look back. I think standing between the two always contemplating probably makes the pain worse. I think you deserve better and I feel so angry at the unfairness of your situation. My mom always says men will do what you let them do. I think it is true. I dont know how to use these words really but women like his other wife have it figured out. I dont think you can control any ones actions but some people can command love and respect deserved or not. It is strange because I agree with her words about demanding your right but at the same time it feels like you shouldnt have to demand anything in matters of love. Sorry I am rambling. InshaAllah you will find your way to the strength to create a better situation.


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