Yesterday was the 5th – the day of the month when we became a couple. We used to celebrate this day every month and it has been our tradition for him to give me 5 yellow (or rather, red-yellow) roses on this day. I could no longer remember the last time he did, so yeah, it has been quite a while.

The sun was already up when he went home that morning and it was just in time for him to get ready for work. This has become a habit lately and I should be getting used to it but I still can’t. When he arrived, I did not have the urge to get up. I was disappointed that he did not remember to text at midnight to greet me – that was a tradition, too. But when he was about to leave, a stared blankly at him and gave him a hug and greeted him. He said, I was just about to greet you. Okay, I’ll pretend to believe you.

Because it also happened to be my day off, I thought he might come at lunch time to eat. If it were just me, I would not bother to cook anymore, I would be content with bread and jam and coffee. But since he might come, I had to force myself to cook. I’m sure I would get compared to her again if I don’t. Because I was not sure if he’s really coming, I ate lunch with two roommates – I did not want to wait for him. I don’t want to call him just to ask because it would be like telling him to come and I want him to choose to do that because he wants to and not because I asked.

About 20 minutes later, he arrived. I was sitting on my roommate’s bed writing my previous post and when I saw him walking swiftly to our bed. I followed him and asked him if he already wants to eat. I prepared his meal, he ate, and commented that he is not satisfied with what I cooked. That’s fine, I did not really give that much effort to it anyway. He always has comments about my cooking, even when I really make a huge effort doing it. I don’t really cook so he knows that what I prepare is always a labor of love. But his lack of appreciation has made me lose inspiration. Before, I used to google a lot of recipes and I enjoyed experimenting. I wanted to always prepare something different for him and I would get really excited about meal time. But with my spirit crushed, I have lost all that zest.

We lay down after he ate and that was when I saw the flowers. Awwwww,,,,I said. Thank you, and I hugged him.

Before he left I gave him another hug and thanked him again. He looked at me in the eye and said in a semi-sarcastic tone, “Okay, are you happy now?” Arggggghhhhhh, he never fails to spoil the moment.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ashrubhaleeb
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 15:06:56

    Hmmm…. It is weird because I am a little lost reading this post. It is a little typical man. My husband often has something to say about my cooking (I have noticed most married men are kinda irritating like this 😉 ). But it can be pretty disheartening. It can kill your desire to try new things for sure. Darn, I can even relate to the flower but. Men have a way of spoiling a good moment sometimes. So I guess take it for what it is…. A little nice gesture…. But a big misunderstanding by your husband about what it actually takes to be a husband to you. Being a good spouse is perhaps something you can learn to do but I suppose more importantly it is something you have to both want to do. Salaam.


  2. hearthquakes
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 21:57:55

    I was still inspired to cook when I arrived last Feb. It was when I learned about his — plus his ceaseless commenting (that he did not do before) that made me lose all desire to be near the kitchen, I guess what I have become now all boils down to what he did. It’s crazy how much he has changed, and even crazier with the way it is affecting me.

    But the flower thing, even if it was half-hearted, I do appreciate. It was good to feel special for at least a few minutes, to think that I was in his thoughts for a moment, that even for just a while, he went out of his way for me. That rarely (more rare than rarely, actually) happens these days. I slept smiling that night, only to find that the following day would be a rerun of the previous weekend. He never learns, and I don’t seem to be learning, too…..what am I still doing here?


  3. hearthquakes
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 21:59:16

    P.S. Hate those touch screens, too. 😉


  4. ashrubhaleeb
    Apr 13, 2012 @ 21:49:52

    I found this blog and I like it and have been following it I know neither one of us is in her particular situation but I like her poetry and the voice of her writing and thought you might like it too. I like that she is moving on and picking herself up after a tough situation and finding positives and reaching out to others. I like that she isnt letting others define her and her value and even her place in her religion. I can always use a little girl power :D.


  5. ashrubhaleeb
    May 03, 2012 @ 01:03:37

    I havent seen you write anything in a while. InshaAllah you are doing well. I hope that you have been able to make arrangements for you and your children to be together since I know you were missing them :).


    • hearthquakes
      May 05, 2012 @ 01:33:23

      Salam Sister Korie. Yes, it has been a while. I have been meaning to write something but have not had the spirit to do so, until now. Things have been very exhausting.

      I have not been able to make arrangements for the kids to come here. I’m afraid it will take a while to save up so that I can take them to live with me. I miss them terribly and had I enough resources they would already be here. Having them around would fill the void I have been struggling to live with. Inshallah, God will grant my wish soon.


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